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Joined October 2008
If I said something to someone that they took as a compliment, but my intent was actually to insult them, of course my intent would matter, and would undermine the positive impact. if the receiver later learned my mal-intent, the impact would obviously be reversed.
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So I cannot and will not say that "impact > intent", in the sense of impact being all that really matters regardless of intent. What I do acknowledge is that my idealized "intent > impact" is also NOT universal, b/c it exists only for people in my privilege, not for others.
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Instead, I believe that my frequent failing is assuming my intent carrying more weight, and not recognizing the part of the equation that is the impact/reception. IOW, impact + intent. Both matter, neither is sufficient nor superior, nor. are they mutually exclusive.
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I clearly need to much more carefully consider impact/reception, and admit that my intent/history won't cover up those shortcomings as much as my privilege would otherwise expect. I shouldn't react so strongly when their mismatch offends people.
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I will own that, and work to better consider that in my words and reactions.
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I'm just not going to switch off the intent signal as irrelevant. It also matters, and needs to align with my words, which speaks to the authenticity of my track record.
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Because of my privilege, I can model this: if I get offended by something from someone else, and they later clarify their intent, I can adjust my reception. More importantly, I will try to keep fighting for a more level society so everyone else has that privilege too.
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This thread itself has an intent and an impact, which unfortunately may differ. I suspect some may still be hurt or angry that I'm not saying what they think I should, the way I should. I acknowledge this upfront. I'm speaking from privilege that I cannot separate.
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My intent is to own my small part in a big complex problem, and to set an example for others to so the same. I hope my words match that intent. I'm sorry where/when they don't.
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